Tuesday, January 4, 2011 ' 11:16 PM Y
& your soul is all i ever wanted
I havent used blogger since ages ago. not for the whole of 2010.
im abandoning facebook for the time being due to some reasons that are not quite personal. because everything becomes un-personal in fb. and that might be the main reason im out of there.
there are some pain that cannot be endured even with great fortitude. i cant keep everything to myself and yet it doesnt seem right to have an essay up on my fb status.
there are several things i want to make clear before i decide i've lost my senses. it's true that i find it difficult to articulate my thoughts, express my appreciation, display my concern. To you im forever insouciant, nonchalant. im sorry i tend to exhaust you and i might have (in your opinion) disparaged your actions that no doubt everyone would die for.
I ended up falling for you and i dont regret i did.
you being so dauntless is why im grudgingly dedicating these words to you. your stubborness had me yelling obscenities because you wouldnt accept any reasons - whatever i did, i did.and cannot be rectified. so what if i scolded you for a single time,a single word. out of the gamut of every human emotions most of them suck so it's definately fair for me to be an ass sometimes. and since when are you perfect? just because of some things that went wrong i became a rejected good.
what about the feelings i contributed? dont you have a heart? i hope you at least have a brain and conscience to think through your words, actions and feeelings.
very truthfully, i typed all these without a hint of anger in me. my heart feels heavy so it' sadness.. ?
even as i type, what happened between us is surely becoming a distant memory to you. i wish i have the power to forget and the courage to move on. but the past is etched into my mind, stuck like a bad song.
speaking of songs, Jay chou's 枫 has been playing for the past 1.5 hours at least. when im feeling down i sing jay's songs because i dont understand the meaning behind the songs, especially those written by mr fang wen shan. not being able to understand means that i dont have to think (: i can confidently sing out every word in 枫. but the fact is, only the last sentence makes sense to me.
anyway. if one day you decide to let go of your stubborness and turn your head around. you'll see that there are people who genuinely care for you. it's not going to be the exact way you expect to receive love, because nobody is same. nobody can be replaced and neither can anyone be a substitue.
revived but not quite alive
a-for-elephant
